My pride is my shield, My dreams are my compass, My happiness is my weapon: District Writing Assessment

Growing Up

Author's Note:

These poems were written about different times/emotions/things I have done in my life. A large inspiration for these pieces was Rachel Platten's latest album, Be Here, emphasizing being positive and happy, but not sacrificing hard truths we all have to live through. These were intended for my District Writing Assessment, but I would still appreciate comments.

TIME MACHINE

When I was little,

All I could do is want to grow up

Now I'm halfway there

And what I hate, is showing up

I didn't expect for life

To come at this high of a cost

And now the youth that I once had

Is going, going, lost

Now I'm here, right where I wanted

But know there is no fault

And that I'm referred to as child

But expected to act like an adult

If I could ask for anything

I would go back in time

And find everything that I once loved

That I got to call mine

---

LESSONS I'VE LEARNED

Even in my short few years

I have learned many toxic things

Like family comes at a high cost

And there are no such things as happy endings

Sure there could be a chapter

That could be fun, and you'd defend it

But happy endings come and go

It just matters where your story ended

Though a tale that's told and finished,

From beginning to the end

Would show that all good things are lost

Even every single friend

Real life is not worth restating

For we have fiction movies and books

And in due time, love will leave your heart

In just a second look

But if you keep on reading

The story of your life

You will find all sorts of secrets

That will hurt more than a knife

People can put on fake smiles

I know that because I'm not naïve

Every time we find the joy

It slips our fingers like a sieve

So end it now, or end it later

Whichever you would choose

But either way, start of finish

You are always bound to loose

---

SURVIVE

No matter how strong

You think that you may be

Everyone needs a shoulder

That they are allowed to lean

Everybody has those days

When we feel sorry for ourselves

We do not like to admit it

But some days we need help

Because we're human and are flawed

And will be until we die

We might just need that someone else

Who will help us survive

---

SECOND BEST

I am second best at everything

I am always after one

I put my all in everything

But the thing I lost was fun

I came second place to someone

In everything I do

I work so hard to get straight A's

But it's one point less than you

I am measured to everyone around

In all that I know how

I could name a thousands things

That would reach from here to clouds

I write an essay in a class

A thousand and one lines

But then I look at what you've wrote

It's twice as long as mine

I find the answers in the problem

I write down every step

The moment I am getting near

I see you, and I'm not even close yet

If only someone could tell me

Good job, great, or yes!

Maybe then, I'd find the hope

In being second best…

---

DO YOU HEAR ME?

Author's Note:

This is a poem that I wrote because it seems like as kids, nobody ever (wants) to listen to what we have to say. And when they do, they do not (honestly) care. Sometimes there are points that we wish to make, but adults have too much pride to appreciate that we might be right, and they might be wrong.

I'm shouting off my lungs

I am breaking on the inside

I am trying just to reach you

But the lips I have are tied

I wonder if you even care

About what I have to say

I will try to get to you forever

Each and every single day

Sometimes I even wonder

Maybe you do not even listen

Maybe you can't hear at all

Think of all the sounds you're missin'

What I have to say is important

It is needed and it's brave

I just want you to hear me out

It is something that I crave

It is killing me from the inside out

That you cannot even stand to talk

Even if you read my words

I'd write a thousand miles worth of chalk

I'm broken and I'm standing

Hoping you are not about leave

And sometimes I even ask myself

Do you even hear me?

---

UNGRATEFUL? UNDECIDED? UNSPOKEN? UNWANTED.

Author's Note:

I wrote this one night after having been in a nice, fancy restaurant filled with people. Then I realized how many people just needed food, much less an expensive supper. I felt terrible, but knew that everyone else would think I was being ungrateful and decided to keep quiet. I wrote this from the deepness of my heart and I literally seem to only be able to write in rhyming lines now. Please leave comments and enjoy!

Standing in a crowded room

Trying to hold my breath

The words I once had in my mouth

Are now falling down my neck

I can only think of whom

Do not have it all

The ones who have been broken,

Let down or just let fall

I gasp and I choke and

I whisper so softly

But then I am judged

So dumb and unlawfully

The tears, they drip down

For I cannot even speak

I am losing my strength

And I'm close to all weak

No one even noticing

No one even cares

No one to rely on

For no one is there

I want to admit this

But I am too scared

I want to tell the world

That this is not fair

If only I were in a different time

Time, life, or place

If only I could tell this to

Somebody's face

I want to help others

I want someone to see

Or maybe the one who needs helping

Is me…

---

THIS IS ALL

This is all I have to offer

This is all I have to give

This is all the happiness I have

For however long I live

This is all the time I wish I had

This is all my hopes and dreams

This is all the tiredness I've earned

From little to no sleep

This is all the wise words that I've dealt

This is all the ignorance I've said

This is all the words that didn't rhyme

And all the stupid things I did

This is all the people I didn't help

This is all the care I gave to you

This is all the wonders I don't know

Beyond the oceans blue

This is all the love I truly want

This is all the money I have lost

This is all the wishes left unheard

This is all the things I have got

This is all the memories

This is all the growing age

This is all the secrets I know

That I'll take with me to the grave

This is all my excuses, on the table

This is all my lies I said, not thinking

This is all my fears I never faced

And all the things I missed while blinking

This is all the faith I have in me

This is all the chances I have missed

This is all things I have left to do

On my never ending bucket list

This is all the people whom I call friends

This is all the risks I have yet to take

This is all the times I tried to be myself

But I ended up becoming fake

This is all the feelings I have hurt

This is all apologies I've left unsaid

This is all the things I haven't done

But hope to do before I'm dead

This is all the past in yesterdays

This is all the times I couldn't see

This is all the days I called in sick

And all the things that make up me

---

Author's Note:

I wrote this poem so that anyone who reads it will interpret it in a different way. I wanted the reader to notice what their prized possession/talent/etc is and to connect it to this piece.

Breathe.

Air is all I need.

Lies.

Crave.

I need more.

Help.

Ends.

Coming, nearing.

Save me.

Pull.

Bring me back to the top.

The best.

Hopes.

Dreams being crushed.

Shattered.

Me.

Stuck somewhere in the middle.

Not good. Not bad.

Confusion.

The not knowing of it all.

Pessimistic.

Trapped.

Inside my own head.

Sea of thoughts.

Escape?

Yeah, right…

Survive.

Over.

My life when I miss out.

My dreams.

Nervous.

No time to be nervous.

Faster.

Pace.

Getting better, faster, stronger.

Stopped.

Working.

So hard it is killing you.

Breaking you.

Destroying you

From the inside but you are too

Blind.

Blind?

To see the damage it is doing to

YOU.

Hypnotized

In the possibility of being so..

Close…

Close to everything

Your dreams, hopes, everything you've worked for

Your whole life.

Little lies

You tell yourself

Do not help

All these do

Is open new doors for what could

Go wrong.

One chance.

That's all I have.

That's it.

Over.

Taken away.

Let's just hope that I went with it...

---

The Silk Dress

Author’s Note:

THIS IS NOT PART OF GROWING UP. I wrote this poem in the style of E.E. Cummings grasshopper, emphasizing the unimportance of punctuation.

T.S.D>h>i>r>e>l>e>k>s>s

Y O

I W

N I

G, and

El(a:)gance

Mazing

G---------------------------àBrush

Touch

Show

I-

On;skin

Gli(int)ste(he)ning(wi)har(nd)sh

The Silk Dress

Flip-Flopped, Backwards, and Upside Down

Author's Note:

This is my DWA essay on how Twilight's vampires are very different from humans.

Every day we walk around amongst our peers, ignorantly believing we are all alike. We never seriously question the sheer mortality of anyone else, and we are given no proof to suggest otherwise. What if there were creatures alive that looked and acted like human beings, but were almost the total reverse? What if there really were vampires? The vampires in the Twilight series are described as looking like humans, but they have very distinct differences. These creatures fit in with society like they belong, but are almost the complete opposite of human beings.

One of the largest distinctions of the vampire lifestyle is their lack of sleeping and eating. They never eat real food (they hunt people/animals for their blood) yet they are inordinately healthy individuals. Their thirst for blood gradually dies down after they are no longer ‘newborns’, but still count on blood to keep them existing. Also, vampires are incapable to sleep. The characters do not mind never sleeping, and quote, "like the night. Without the dark, [they'd] never see the stars." I believe that this also shows acceptance of staying awake: like a polite friendship with the night.

While their lack of energy sources is surprising, what are even more flabbergasting are their physical abilities. They can outrun any creature alive, or created, are stronger than anything on earth. They can lift a tree out of the ground, as you or I would lift a feather. They can even run faster than a car on a highway. We find these to be impossible, because our human bodies are not physically able to complete these tasks. This is why their strengths create a huge difference between them and humans.

Another extraordinary trait that vampires contain, that we all wish we could have, is their powers of irresistibleness. Everyone wants to be their friend, date them, look like them, and have what they have! These creatures are described as perfect, while it has been proven, real humans are full of imperfections. When Bella, from Twilight, first met Edward, she couldn’t help but want to be his friend. People naturally like the vampires because of their faces, their voice, and even their smell draws humans in.

Perfect and imperfect, strong and weak, fast and slow: these are all major differences between vampires and humans, but another important factor is age. Once someone has become a vampire, they will remain their current age forever, unless they happen to be torn apart, limb by limb, and then burned to ashes. I found this to be a hefty difference because humans age every second, ever day of lives, while vampires do not.

We, as people, enjoy comparing our eye colors with friends. We brag about our bright blues, neon greens, and rich, chocolate browns. But vampires are a very different story, for they have colors such as deep reds, blacks, and golden caramels. These distinct features are yet another trait that separate vampires from humans.

Another difficulty of being a vampire is that they cannot walk in sunlight. Vampire skin begins to give off a slight glow when the sun reaches their skin. Vampires are not permitted to let humans notice their shiny appearance and are forced to hide when the sun is out.

The last, final, and, what I think to be, the most important distinction between humans and vampires is the fact that vampires to do not have souls. They are quite literally walking dead. Their lack of souls reminded me of, Harry Potter’s, Dementor, Kisses of Death. “Sometimes Dementors perform the Kiss where they suck out a person's soul. The person is left incapable of thought and emotion, in an irreversible state that is said to be worse than death.” The human beings, or wizards, after they have been Kissed are left to walk the earth alone, without a soul to keep them company. Worst of all, they cannot even die. Bella experienced, temporally, what it would feel like without a soul when she was comatose in the hospital. She said, “Death is peaceful, it’s easy. Life is harder.” I think that this gives Bella glimpse into how vampires must feel all the time. Because being a vampire and being Kissed both take away a person’s soul, they would be similar lifestyles and seem impossible for us to even imagine what those lives would feel like.

If I had the option of being human or vampire, I would chose to be human. While this might sound cliché or goody-two-shoes-y of me, I honestly would prefer being human. I love being able to walk in sunlight, talk to my peers (without wanting to drink their blood), knowing that one day I’ll grow taller, grow older, and I might even grow up. The differences between Twilight‘s vampires and humans are subtle, but they are most definitely there. Keep a close eye on your friends, because you never know, are vampires truly fictional?